Before this program. 1973 I was born to a mum and dad who ..doted on me...well dad did...he owned nightclubs and I was the apple of his eye. .he adored Me..
It's the only time ever in my life I was wanted, loved and safe....he died when I was 9 and so did everything normal in my life ....my mum lost the plot...
Found men, money.. I did what I wanted. ..men , money. I was way too old too soon...bulimic, angry and dating much older guys.
I was like a 28 year old in a 12 year olds body ....she was killed in a car crash...I was 12 and 10 months. Here came my nightmare .. My dad has cut us all off from his family ....they only wanted his money he said ... It was just us 3 , so when they left there was no one except my half brother ...my mum's firstborn by another man...shed abandoned him when she met my dad....needless to say. He was damaged anyway.
But plot twist ..he was the driver of the car that killed my mum.... He was named my legal guardian....he was 23 I was 12....he hated me...and even worse I looked just like her.
3 years of mental psychological and physical abuse ensnared. . still chronically bulimic I was now alcoholic and traumatically damaged...social services room over and I ended up in care ..alone.....terrified....messed up ...alcoholic ...hateful.... I went into dark addiction...lost a little boy at 21 he was 2 1/2 hours old.. and from that point, went underground...prostitution .rapes , violence...prison ...
I was living on the streets and smoking butts ..being fed by soup kitchens ...prison was my salvation....I did a few years here n there....the last one ...I found a rehab....I didn't expect much....just an excuse really to chill and sort my head out ......
My story is not one of joy from that point.....I discovered my self-esteem and image was so battered I allowed abusive traumatic Relationships, was riddled in shame and self loathing but still assumed that this was better than where I was ....I thought I was enough....to have children ..I was wrong ...I loved them so much it literally hurt...but I was beyond capable of coping ....their dad had promised to be the one.....instead it was hell...alone with 2 little girls. .feeling unworthy of their love ...I drank again ...just to get the pain to stop......but the devil got in.....he ran in and stole my soul.....and I have it to him....I lost my children .. Their father also died. ..at the time I wish I had to but ...I was too Catholic too do it...and so. .I fought . And I fell and I fought again ... I knew I was backed into a corner....I knew the only way out.. was up ....god. Like real god's help not just the usual oh help me god please ...type thing.....the real....god. I give up....show me...I'll do it all....and so I did.
I took many of the Mindvalley programs, much .my self-esteem...my abuse issues ...my broken heart....my image...my addictions.
All of them.....the whole 9 yards was covered in these amazing programs ...an inside-out job and ongoing ... I got my counseling qualifications.....I worked with the vulnerable ..I gave back and I gave in....each problem that arose....I dealt ...each pain that disguised itself...I unwrapped it....I am now happily married to an amazing guy who honours me as much as I honour myself ...
Now i have a counseling and coaching business's and I broke free from the UK and braved it alone to come live in Bali.....I wrote my children every 3 months....they don't receive but one day they will and one-day they'll return.. in the meantime I'm here helping ppl come back from trauma...depression. Whatever...my message ..there is nothing you cannot come back from..nothing you cannot repair. ..with love, guidance and god. ..you are unstoppable,..whatever that looks like for you.... I went from living in bin sheds , filthy...full of abscesses ...waking to terror....deep dark gloom and self hatred.....no teeth...matted hair and so god damn alone ... To here...alive...fresh...loved....peace...so much peace. And god ..beautiful wonderful all generous unconditional god....and with that....I am and always will be ...fearless and capable of greatness.
It's the only time ever in my life I was wanted, loved and safe....he died when I was 9 and so did everything normal in my life ....my mum lost the plot...
Found men, money.. I did what I wanted. ..men , money. I was way too old too soon...bulimic, angry and dating much older guys.
I was like a 28 year old in a 12 year olds body ....she was killed in a car crash...I was 12 and 10 months. Here came my nightmare .. My dad has cut us all off from his family ....they only wanted his money he said ... It was just us 3 , so when they left there was no one except my half brother ...my mum's firstborn by another man...shed abandoned him when she met my dad....needless to say. He was damaged anyway.
But plot twist ..he was the driver of the car that killed my mum.... He was named my legal guardian....he was 23 I was 12....he hated me...and even worse I looked just like her.
3 years of mental psychological and physical abuse ensnared. . still chronically bulimic I was now alcoholic and traumatically damaged...social services room over and I ended up in care ..alone.....terrified....messed up ...alcoholic ...hateful.... I went into dark addiction...lost a little boy at 21 he was 2 1/2 hours old.. and from that point, went underground...prostitution .rapes , violence...prison ...
I was living on the streets and smoking butts ..being fed by soup kitchens ...prison was my salvation....I did a few years here n there....the last one ...I found a rehab....I didn't expect much....just an excuse really to chill and sort my head out ......
My story is not one of joy from that point.....I discovered my self-esteem and image was so battered I allowed abusive traumatic Relationships, was riddled in shame and self loathing but still assumed that this was better than where I was ....I thought I was enough....to have children ..I was wrong ...I loved them so much it literally hurt...but I was beyond capable of coping ....their dad had promised to be the one.....instead it was hell...alone with 2 little girls. .feeling unworthy of their love ...I drank again ...just to get the pain to stop......but the devil got in.....he ran in and stole my soul.....and I have it to him....I lost my children .. Their father also died. ..at the time I wish I had to but ...I was too Catholic too do it...and so. .I fought . And I fell and I fought again ... I knew I was backed into a corner....I knew the only way out.. was up ....god. Like real god's help not just the usual oh help me god please ...type thing.....the real....god. I give up....show me...I'll do it all....and so I did.
I took many of the Mindvalley programs, much .my self-esteem...my abuse issues ...my broken heart....my image...my addictions.
All of them.....the whole 9 yards was covered in these amazing programs ...an inside-out job and ongoing ... I got my counseling qualifications.....I worked with the vulnerable ..I gave back and I gave in....each problem that arose....I dealt ...each pain that disguised itself...I unwrapped it....I am now happily married to an amazing guy who honours me as much as I honour myself ...
Now i have a counseling and coaching business's and I broke free from the UK and braved it alone to come live in Bali.....I wrote my children every 3 months....they don't receive but one day they will and one-day they'll return.. in the meantime I'm here helping ppl come back from trauma...depression. Whatever...my message ..there is nothing you cannot come back from..nothing you cannot repair. ..with love, guidance and god. ..you are unstoppable,..whatever that looks like for you.... I went from living in bin sheds , filthy...full of abscesses ...waking to terror....deep dark gloom and self hatred.....no teeth...matted hair and so god damn alone ... To here...alive...fresh...loved....peace...so much peace. And god ..beautiful wonderful all generous unconditional god....and with that....I am and always will be ...fearless and capable of greatness.
