I divorced 10 years ago. He was my first love. I was 19 years old, too young, naive and raised in a somewhat dysfunctional environment. I also had no adults in my life to provide guidance. It started off as puppy love and evolved into marriage to a person I didn't really know despite the 12-year relationship and, who was and would never have been able to meet my needs nor even respect me in the way a healthy relationship demands. At the time of my divorce, he was sleeping around and using our 2yr old toddler to pick up random women. I blamed myself for my unhappiness during our marriage thinking I was the problem. I convinced myself he was everything I'd ever wanted in a partner yet I could not figure out why was so unhappy. Finding out about his cheating finally opened my eyes. It gave me the perspective I needed to break free. We divorced. He tried to break me. Ten years of hurt by proxy and what seemed like a never-ending litigation ensued. In the mist of that I found closure. I also did try to date and had a few relationships. But, fear paralyzed for a long time and I could never quite connect or choose the right partners. I was beginning to think I just wasn't capable of deep romantic feelings anymore, the kind that enable you to see and want a future with someone. Then one day, last year, I met someone and I realized I was wrong about being incapable of love. This guy saw all the good things in me I could no longer see. He made me realize the type of partner I want in life exists and, when found, I am very much capable of love. In many ways, he showed me the partner I'd been looking for and that it is OK to let my guard down because I don't "break" that easy. The fear of hurt and failure had paralyzed me and was causing more more hurt than being hurt in itself. I developed feelings for him, however, I also became aware of old anxieties and fears still festering under the surface. It didn't work between us (in some ways, he has his own healing to do as well so no harm done) but his presence in my life gave me the push forward I needed.
I decided to take this Conscious Uncoupling course to finish up my healing process from both my toxic marriage and this last relationship, and to work on growth. I want to grow into a woman that makes herself proud and is ready to try again. I want be her that next time love finds me. I want to fall in love, good healthy love, with good healthy guy, and to meet him at the same level, without unresolved fears, regrets or insecurities standing in the way, knowing I have fully healed my wounds, am better for it, and am ready to move forward wiser, self aware and with a clear vision of what I want in life and love.
I decided to take this Conscious Uncoupling course to finish up my healing process from both my toxic marriage and this last relationship, and to work on growth. I want to grow into a woman that makes herself proud and is ready to try again. I want be her that next time love finds me. I want to fall in love, good healthy love, with good healthy guy, and to meet him at the same level, without unresolved fears, regrets or insecurities standing in the way, knowing I have fully healed my wounds, am better for it, and am ready to move forward wiser, self aware and with a clear vision of what I want in life and love.