"I know I have more in me and need some help and guidance to help bring it out"

When I was a growing up I did not have a very traditional, happy household. My parents divorced as I was entering Junior High and my Mom threw herself into work, staying at the office late at night and thinking of little else. I realized she had her own issues and I had to make decisions for myself and grow up. I didn't do a very good job at this, and made many mistakes along the way. But I was on my own. The one thing I always wanted, looking at my friends homes and family life, was a family with a fun, energetic living space that sat down to dinner together...and talked. That was my one, true idea of "happy". I moved out West after college, created this for myself, and have 2 lovely, smart, kind children and a great husband. We have dinner together whenever possible, and I love this. So life is fulfilled, right? Well, now my oldest has gone to college and my youngest will probably be going off to college as well in the next 2-3 years. My happy story is crumbling before me and I am trying to be brave. I didn't think about this part of life where I'd not be needed as much as a mother and have these wonderful children to help grow and develop life skills, compassion and courage. My husband and I love each other, but I am not sure if we will still ever be "in love" as individuals - we are definitely great partners in parenting, but struggle with our relationship and where it will go. I am a CFO for a non profit and have become "stuck" in my work. After being there for over 15 years I know that I belong in a place that helps people, and we have an incredible mission that I truly believe in. However, I have become that employee that has been there the longest, which comes with some pressures for being the organization's historian and some preconceived beliefs that I either know everything or do not have the "newest, latest information" to bring us to that new level. I want to learn more and help us to change and be more efficient, worldly, knowledgable and effective in what we do. Between the staff's perception of me and my growing doubts (fueled by my sadness with my family life happiness dwindling) I find myself unmotivated. I want to be the best person I can be for my kids, my husband, friends, community and colleagues. I want to learn more about things I don't know and grow my effectiveness in my work and beyond. Perhaps I can be of better service elsewhere, but I have to get "unstuck" and write my new life's book - and I think this can be done by learning more and being more present. Reading and focus are very difficult for me and I'd like to blame it on my turning 50. I know I have more in me and need some help and guidance to help bring it out.