"Since last year I started to feel like I am waking up from a horrendous nightmare"

I sign up for a program called Becoming Limitless that it doesn't show in the list of programs to be selected. I lost interest and never finished. This was February 2018. I was going through other one of the tremendous turmoil in my life. ( I have to make a choice, so I choose Mindvalley to keep going). I have been retired for 14 years now. I feel like a ghost. I have been feeling that way ever since I was 3 or 4 years old. I grew up in times when children, in third world countries, (Colombia, S.A.) were not allow to express themselves. Decisions were made by parents until after the children were ready to leave the family home to get married. I feel like I never had a compass in my life. My own decisions were always made randomly. Since last year I started to feel like I am waking up from a horrendous nightmare. That's the reason I sign up for this Energy class now.