"I am awakened"

I have been brought up by very indulgent parents. All my education - Engineering, MBA , Analytics diploma is influenced by my family members. Infact, i got married by their choice. I was very naive and in India we call such kids as a holy Cow kid. I am struggling badly in my life - professionally and personally. I deal with the over expectations of my wife who is always demanding and showing tantrums and delaying kids because she thinks i don't deserve. I don't wanna blame anyone for it because i love all of them. I was not very bright like my elder brother during studies, also doing mediocre in my professional life. I expect myself to be very much better than what i am doing currently. I also caught a chronic disease called Ankylosing spondalitis at the age of 19. Until now i see my life as a big Looser but somehow there is an internal strong belief in me of standing out someday and be very successful in both my professional and personal life. I am always surrounded by some fear and i don't know how to handle it. I am awakened by seeing myself as a big Looser till now. I want to change it...I want total control on my life. I want to be a winner now anyhow.