First of all THANK YOU doesn't seem to be enough but it is everything all at once. I am 62 years old and 5'2" tall (fine boned); and prior to this challenge had struggled with my weight, fought off depression, despaired of ever finding the skinny me that existed as a child or was still inside of me. I started gaining weight in my early teens and it didn't seem to matter what I did it increased slowly over the years to my highest weight of 195lbs. There are life events and mile markers along the way, many of which I was well aware of but the Wildfit Challenge allowed me to connect the puzzle pieces and see the overlying pattern of my life, my relationship with family members, and my relationship with myself in direct connection to food and my weight. It would seem my weight was the storybook of emotions, the depository of every bad day or emotional crisis. There are many things I realized with regard to "rules"... not being able to dish up my own food as a child (no learning portion control); eating everything on my plate because of starving children somewhere else in the world, or because of threat/punishment of one parent or wanting to make the other one proud; the guilt associated with food waste because of money, or time and effort; and shame for being ungrateful for what was provided. All of that teaching me to ignore my body signals telling me when I had eaten enough. Wildfit made me reflect on the psychological food programming as a young child from the caregivers in my life and the resulting emotional overlay. Like an onion growing, I was creating layers burying beliefs from when very young.
One of the most powerful insights isn't even directly food related. The food industry was there in the background... my first Viewfinder at age 5 was because I collected the coloured coins in the Alphabits cereal boxes! Christmas candy, birthday cakes, ice cream for being good. The best? Cracker Jack caramel popcorn that had a prize in the box. MacDonald's Happy Meals were the mainstay of my son's childhood when we were travelling anywhere. And now? POST has come out with Tim Horton's TIMBITS cereals... Birthday Cake, and Chocolate Glazed. And some people will actually buy it and feed it to their children. I had been reading Dr. Joe Dispenza's book "Breaking the Habit of Being Myself" and it gave me a key that cemented my role within Wildfit. My memories go back into the crib, still in diapers but I remember as a toddler/young child that there were other "rules"... be seen and not heard, cry and I'll give you something to cry for, and others. A child is the captive of the parent and whatever the parent brings to the role, good or bad. The revelation was the concept that as a young child when I expressed feelings/likes/dislikes, an adult was always correcting me... that isn't nice (not allowed an honest emotion), stop crying (not allowed express dissatisfaction or anger), or disappointment and frustration if I didn't want to do something they desired, etc. The psychology of this taught me that if my emotions were invalidated, my likes/dislikes discounted, the constant correction and redirection taught me not to trust my own emotions and instincts. I believed that if there was that much of me that needed to be "fixed" then I must be "broken" and my reactions were not to be trusted. THIS, in the middle of Wildfit, stopped me in my tracks and made me realize that for the child I was this was the source of low self-esteem and a distrust of my own beliefs and abilities; and to make myself feel better I ate. I grew up in a dysfunctional household (eldest of 3), and I took the brunt of their parental learning curve and then the responsibility for whatever my younger siblings did. There was no affection in my family, no pats on the back, only comments of criticism of things gone wrong.
At 15 years old and 115 lbs I was put on Weight Watchers for being "fat" although that is not fat by weight standards. But I believed it, and by then the unrealistic view of myself had fractured away from the reality. High school is bad enough but eating chicken legs and carrots sticks didn't help the self-esteem. Food became Love and a replacement emotion; and my relationship with food was love the food and hate myself for wanting it and what it was doing to me. A never ending cycle until Wildfit. Over the years I have spent thousands of dollars on programs, supplements, books, audio hypnosis, and tests, etc trying to lose weight, achieve better health, and control my eating habits. In time I also became dairy intolerant and wheat/gluten intolerant. I had done bloodwork twice to determine intolerances, DNA profiling for genetics, allergy testing, and others. By the time I arrived on the Wildfit proverbial doorstep, from age 12 years old to 62 a span of 50 years, I was now at the point of being 50lbs overweight, no thyroid due to thyroid cancer, many surgeries, hormone and auto-immune issues, suffering from Essential Tremor, married with one son and step-children/grand-children, business owner/employer, employee; and trying (unsuccessfully) to be gluten/dairy/sugar free. On my 50th birthday I was determined to live MY life and to make all these wonderful Utopian changes. I was convinced there was a "switch" in my brain that if I could just find the right combination of things then I would be on the other side of the weight barrier I seemed to be fighting. There was someone else in my head that I was always arguing with, sometimes out loud, because I was so frustrated at being "possessed" by another "me" I couldn't control. I knew I was addicted to sugar, I could identify the "swing" but under stress it was easier to give in and have one less thing nagging at me. By age 62 I hadn't made any of the positive lifestyle changes I had good intentions of. I kept praying for an answer, and repeatedly, I kept seeing ads for Wildfit. What caught me was the concept of it not being a diet, and changing my relationship with food. I did Wildfit on my own, and at the beginning I stopped the medication for the Essential Tremor as a trial to see if Wildfit would make a difference. My husband did not participate but did support me 100%. He ate what I cooked but continued to eat anything else that he wanted even though at 71 he also has weight to lose but doesn't care what I do so to me at this stage that is all that mattered; at the beginning I'm sure he thought "oh dear, here she goes again"... another trial of some fad or another. Part way through the deep spring I saw a photo of a Lemon Meringue cupcake, and I stared at it for days... upset, angry, and wanting. What I came to understand is that I was going through a grieving process and the anger and frustration of not being able eat what others eat so easily. This grieving process was my person journey to the realization and understanding of what I needed to do for me, to recognize there is a before Wildfit, and an after Wildfit.
I grieved the loss of something beautifully destructive just like any other addict. Once I had this understanding of grief, I let it all go. No cupcake, no Timmy's donuts, no Easter chocolate had a claim on me anymore. In fact, neither do supplement adverts, diet ads, or "join now" programs for quick weight loss. Not even ads for supplements or programs of "eat this, don't eat that". Unless it's wheat, dairy, sugar, and additive free; I'm out. :) I likened my experience with Wildfit to a lobster cooking in the pot... as the weeks went by the changes were so gradual that this lobster kept adapting to the challenge changes until I was no longer the person I was at the start. So here I am at the end of the program and I am ready to launch into the next phase of my Wildfit lifestyle. I am no longer "haunted" by foods that used to call me by name. Now I can look at them objectively and see them for the gimmick they are. I have lost 18lbs, many inches, no longer have Essential Tremor and no longer require the medication. I can eat without shaking and my handwriting/printing is once again clear and legible. I will always be a "Wildfitter", and although I may stray, my lifestyle is now a Wildfit mentality going forward. Thank you, and I have great love and gratitude that you came into my life at this time. I am now part of the Wildfit tribe. :)
One of the most powerful insights isn't even directly food related. The food industry was there in the background... my first Viewfinder at age 5 was because I collected the coloured coins in the Alphabits cereal boxes! Christmas candy, birthday cakes, ice cream for being good. The best? Cracker Jack caramel popcorn that had a prize in the box. MacDonald's Happy Meals were the mainstay of my son's childhood when we were travelling anywhere. And now? POST has come out with Tim Horton's TIMBITS cereals... Birthday Cake, and Chocolate Glazed. And some people will actually buy it and feed it to their children. I had been reading Dr. Joe Dispenza's book "Breaking the Habit of Being Myself" and it gave me a key that cemented my role within Wildfit. My memories go back into the crib, still in diapers but I remember as a toddler/young child that there were other "rules"... be seen and not heard, cry and I'll give you something to cry for, and others. A child is the captive of the parent and whatever the parent brings to the role, good or bad. The revelation was the concept that as a young child when I expressed feelings/likes/dislikes, an adult was always correcting me... that isn't nice (not allowed an honest emotion), stop crying (not allowed express dissatisfaction or anger), or disappointment and frustration if I didn't want to do something they desired, etc. The psychology of this taught me that if my emotions were invalidated, my likes/dislikes discounted, the constant correction and redirection taught me not to trust my own emotions and instincts. I believed that if there was that much of me that needed to be "fixed" then I must be "broken" and my reactions were not to be trusted. THIS, in the middle of Wildfit, stopped me in my tracks and made me realize that for the child I was this was the source of low self-esteem and a distrust of my own beliefs and abilities; and to make myself feel better I ate. I grew up in a dysfunctional household (eldest of 3), and I took the brunt of their parental learning curve and then the responsibility for whatever my younger siblings did. There was no affection in my family, no pats on the back, only comments of criticism of things gone wrong.
At 15 years old and 115 lbs I was put on Weight Watchers for being "fat" although that is not fat by weight standards. But I believed it, and by then the unrealistic view of myself had fractured away from the reality. High school is bad enough but eating chicken legs and carrots sticks didn't help the self-esteem. Food became Love and a replacement emotion; and my relationship with food was love the food and hate myself for wanting it and what it was doing to me. A never ending cycle until Wildfit. Over the years I have spent thousands of dollars on programs, supplements, books, audio hypnosis, and tests, etc trying to lose weight, achieve better health, and control my eating habits. In time I also became dairy intolerant and wheat/gluten intolerant. I had done bloodwork twice to determine intolerances, DNA profiling for genetics, allergy testing, and others. By the time I arrived on the Wildfit proverbial doorstep, from age 12 years old to 62 a span of 50 years, I was now at the point of being 50lbs overweight, no thyroid due to thyroid cancer, many surgeries, hormone and auto-immune issues, suffering from Essential Tremor, married with one son and step-children/grand-children, business owner/employer, employee; and trying (unsuccessfully) to be gluten/dairy/sugar free. On my 50th birthday I was determined to live MY life and to make all these wonderful Utopian changes. I was convinced there was a "switch" in my brain that if I could just find the right combination of things then I would be on the other side of the weight barrier I seemed to be fighting. There was someone else in my head that I was always arguing with, sometimes out loud, because I was so frustrated at being "possessed" by another "me" I couldn't control. I knew I was addicted to sugar, I could identify the "swing" but under stress it was easier to give in and have one less thing nagging at me. By age 62 I hadn't made any of the positive lifestyle changes I had good intentions of. I kept praying for an answer, and repeatedly, I kept seeing ads for Wildfit. What caught me was the concept of it not being a diet, and changing my relationship with food. I did Wildfit on my own, and at the beginning I stopped the medication for the Essential Tremor as a trial to see if Wildfit would make a difference. My husband did not participate but did support me 100%. He ate what I cooked but continued to eat anything else that he wanted even though at 71 he also has weight to lose but doesn't care what I do so to me at this stage that is all that mattered; at the beginning I'm sure he thought "oh dear, here she goes again"... another trial of some fad or another. Part way through the deep spring I saw a photo of a Lemon Meringue cupcake, and I stared at it for days... upset, angry, and wanting. What I came to understand is that I was going through a grieving process and the anger and frustration of not being able eat what others eat so easily. This grieving process was my person journey to the realization and understanding of what I needed to do for me, to recognize there is a before Wildfit, and an after Wildfit.
I grieved the loss of something beautifully destructive just like any other addict. Once I had this understanding of grief, I let it all go. No cupcake, no Timmy's donuts, no Easter chocolate had a claim on me anymore. In fact, neither do supplement adverts, diet ads, or "join now" programs for quick weight loss. Not even ads for supplements or programs of "eat this, don't eat that". Unless it's wheat, dairy, sugar, and additive free; I'm out. :) I likened my experience with Wildfit to a lobster cooking in the pot... as the weeks went by the changes were so gradual that this lobster kept adapting to the challenge changes until I was no longer the person I was at the start. So here I am at the end of the program and I am ready to launch into the next phase of my Wildfit lifestyle. I am no longer "haunted" by foods that used to call me by name. Now I can look at them objectively and see them for the gimmick they are. I have lost 18lbs, many inches, no longer have Essential Tremor and no longer require the medication. I can eat without shaking and my handwriting/printing is once again clear and legible. I will always be a "Wildfitter", and although I may stray, my lifestyle is now a Wildfit mentality going forward. Thank you, and I have great love and gratitude that you came into my life at this time. I am now part of the Wildfit tribe. :)