During this course of study, I was often criticised of being too emotional, irrational and lacking of logic. Having doubted myself many times, I finally realised that these attributes were all my volcanic power. I am creative, compassionate, imaginative and smart. I have to confess that at the beginning, I felt fear and lacking of confidence to lance my project. Because I thought I was not as qualified as those with art diploma, or those younger, more beautiful actresses who began their career at an early age. I thought I knew no professional in this field. At that time, I didn't listen to this course, so I wasn't conscious of using the techniques of positive, repetitive self talks. But I questioned myself: "so what?". And that worked. I stepped on the art journey with fear and doubt, but I didn't stop myself by the fear. So in half a year right after I decided to be an artist, I did 4 series of photographies, held 3 exhibitions in Paris, and got to know tens of art teachers and designers via my school, had contact with two art studios and several professional photographers. But it's just the beginning, I'd like to push myself furthermore. Now I'm in the cocooning situation because of the wide propagation of coronavirus. I choose to leverage this "self-isolation" time and make it as a golden "self-revelation" period. That's why I join this program to learn, experience, grow and share. I want to make the best use of my time to improve my visual art techniques(precisely iphone photography and visual design), and to finish my mémoire relating to street art and politics with motivation, devotion and joy(because it will be my final memory in the academic field). I also want to be more comprehensive, more compassionate with others' feelings, to see myself and the world around me with a wider scope. After this quarantine period, my goals are to develop a profitable online model to do my visual art, and to have the professional acting trainings in Cours Florent, Paris. I write my goals down here in order to clarify to myself as well as to refer to what I said when I look back. With wilder, more structural art idealisation in my mind, I'd like to share it in the future, and just begin to take small steps right now.
In the previous hypnotic session, I realised that I got quite positive feedbacks from the family I grew up. However, I felt alone, isolated, exiled by my peer groups. I felt that if I was deep, I had no audience. That is a format unconsciously rooted in my mind, and reinforced each time when I chose a deeper, more literal subject to study. But actually I'm longing for the emotional connection and one-on-one conversation and care from my surroundings. That demand also reveals obviously in my art style, which emphasises so much on the dimension of interaction and dialogue. That's all for today. See you in the next level!