Before Lifebook program, I was one of the millions who live an existence by default. There was very little planning over life changing decisions. As we learned during the course, when we don’t lead a thinking life, we lead lives that bring us to places where we look at ourselves and wonder how the hell did I get here? In doing that we fail to understand that default got us there.
For me, the outcome of leading a life run by default was emotionally destructive. I was walking around existing not living. For sure, I did the big thing of securing an education, which was my ticket to being independent but that was it. For more than twenty years, I walked around as a functionally-dysfunctional human being going through the motions of existence.
I knew how to work hard to meet my career goals but every aspect of my personal life was fed with emotions of anger, resentment, deep sadness, remorse, pity and even disgust.
Being reflective by nature, I looked at all the poor choices that I made with guilt and shame. I saw how I made a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. That decision is irreversible; it happened. I was able to articulate the thought patterns and rationale that led me to living the mediocre life that was crippling me emotionally. I felt trapped and stuck and lived through cycles of accepting the mediocre and wanting to break free from its grip.
Two years ago, I faced a crucible that left a scar, which not only changed me but further exasperated the destructive emotions in me. I struggled to get a grip on my self hate.
Two years ago, I faced a crucible that left a scar, which not only changed me but further exasperated the destructive emotions in me. I struggled to get a grip on my self hate.
Recently, I acknowledged my need for counseling to function and booked my appointment for Depression care. During the course of counseling, the option of medication came up and that made me nervous. As a healthcare professional, I understand the risk of dependence so I connected with my former doctor for an opinion. A conversation was had on needs, risks vs benefits and desired outcome.
My former doctor has known me for the pass 26 years and knew of my emotional cycles and dysfunction. My recommended prescriptions from the assessment and my personal desired outcome was an audio version of James Allen: “As a man thinketh” and Life Book course Feb 6, 2022. Both prescriptions were ideal for me. I read the book and started my Life Book Journey.
I will not deny the challenge of the journey nor the effort and commitment required but I have an end goal in mind. This is my journey on the pursuit of happiness. I am going to spend the rest of my life fighting for and securing it.
I am on a mission with a race against time to reverse the toxicity from the effects of chronic stress disorder and I am in it to win it.
There are scars that have changed me but I vow to find the beauty in them. For impenetrable concrete obstacles, I will apply Marcus Aurelius quote: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
I deserve happiness and I owe it to myself to give it to me. This is my Life Book journey.
Lifebook is the best gift that I have ever received in my life because it took me on a path that got me to examine my existence in a practical and dynamic way. It is the single most important thing that I have ever done for myself.
This has been a transforming adventure and the great part is my journey continues. I have smart goals to pursue in 12 areas of my life. I now live for the time when I will be able to say, the vision and the reality are one.
This is the tool that I will use to keep me on track on the pursuit of happiness. It is my road map that gives direction to my life. My five-year target begins and I am filled with emotions of excitement and joy.
This is a casual photo taken just before going to the park with my six year old. I do not have a current dressed up photo but I will definitely share one later on. I am now excited about living and it shows in my expression..