I consider myself a growth student, my spiritual growth is a process to be continued not a task to be completed. But for two decades I was not getting the results I wanted, but daily meditations helped to maintain me during my extended desert experience. My issue was 'not being good enough', my dad told me as young boy, "you ain't shit and you will never be shit." I didn't realize the impact this statement would have on me.
Those words had two profound impacts on me.
• Propelled me to excel: BS, MBA, top performer in sales, sales management and Business with Fortune 500 companies.
• What I didn't know was that I had repressed the ‘not good enough for’ years, it would come out on occasions; when I lost, major issues or opportunities. When my wife of many years wanted a separation, it started to come out of me. I had a thought I would lose everything and die; I held on to the thought. God told me my wife leaving was a growth separation but I didn't want to hear that. God told me my wife is important but you have deeper issues to resolve. My wife left, never to return, two years later we divorced and eventually I lost everything I had. I thought who I was, was based on the things I had: $, home, cars, work title, company, etc.; now I had nothing, small still voice told me, you are still here, you didn't die. Through prayer and meditation I came to realize I had become a world class actor in convincing others and myself I was stable and a gifted person. I had to address two central issues, my dad and what he said about me. I spent 3 years on the book, "Homecoming - Reclaiming and Healing the Inner Child" by John Bradshaw. I forgave my father, but I didn't forgive myself and continued to suffer from not good enough (low: self-esteem and self-value, guilt and fear of losing). I join a startup company in charge of sales & marketing, I was working 10 - 12 hours per day and praying and meditating 2 - 3 hours per day, but focusing on the wrong areas; fear and guilt masked me from getting truth results. Five years later, I file for bankruptcy and lose my home, devastating to me and it fed into the not good enough narrative. Because of my focused, disciplined and being a talented contributor, I had a history of doing well in my work so it was really trying. In meditation one day the small still voice told me, you can't do what you've been doing and succeed anymore.
As a junior in college, I developed a simple process for success, when faced with an opportunity or issue do the following:
• Develop a detail plan
• Put forth an herculean effort
• Time never became an issue
• Persevere until I win The formula had been good to me for decades. God was telling me it was over, but I didn't listen or understand something new was seeking to emerge from within me and release the old. I fought and resisted. Results, all types of things happened to me in my work-life regardless of how much time and effort I put in. Eventually, I surrendered and while things were not going as I wanted, things were getting somewhat better relative to not being good enough; I released the fear, guilt, and low self-value. But the not good enough was still there. As result of taking Quest - LVM Class, I had the following breakthroughs: 1st week: I had totally forgiven myself 2nd week: Recognized the not good enough was a total lie (Satori Moment) 5th week: I was reviewing Days: 29 – Being Consciousness and 30 – Waking up and Soul’s Dark Night, when I got to the Growth Work of Day 30, I had another Satori Moment. Here's what took place: Spirit told me, I have always been with you. I provided all the success, things and $ to you when you didn’t think you were good enough. But you my son, never gave up, even in severe hurt and pain you kept working to be better and a contributor to help others. Your major issue was your resistant; you would lock into non-truth given your woundedness. You have been working diligently to live in truth the last several years. Now you have the Trust in my Allness to Surrender totally, in a deep and abiding Trust, Humility and Gratitude. Now you can provide unconditional Consent and you can now, Give-all-you-have-to-give, excluding nothing. I can see clearly now and feel during my first 20 years how God was present, provided to me, in spite of my behavior, thoughts and beliefs. I spent the next 20 years resisting the Truth. Now I can feel it, see it, know it and will not allow any illusions, confusion and deal-making to prohibit me from my unfolding and new version of me.
Thank you Michael Beckwith and Mindvalley for showing me a proven process for truth, because I am a witness, next mastery!
Those words had two profound impacts on me.
• Propelled me to excel: BS, MBA, top performer in sales, sales management and Business with Fortune 500 companies.
• What I didn't know was that I had repressed the ‘not good enough for’ years, it would come out on occasions; when I lost, major issues or opportunities. When my wife of many years wanted a separation, it started to come out of me. I had a thought I would lose everything and die; I held on to the thought. God told me my wife leaving was a growth separation but I didn't want to hear that. God told me my wife is important but you have deeper issues to resolve. My wife left, never to return, two years later we divorced and eventually I lost everything I had. I thought who I was, was based on the things I had: $, home, cars, work title, company, etc.; now I had nothing, small still voice told me, you are still here, you didn't die. Through prayer and meditation I came to realize I had become a world class actor in convincing others and myself I was stable and a gifted person. I had to address two central issues, my dad and what he said about me. I spent 3 years on the book, "Homecoming - Reclaiming and Healing the Inner Child" by John Bradshaw. I forgave my father, but I didn't forgive myself and continued to suffer from not good enough (low: self-esteem and self-value, guilt and fear of losing). I join a startup company in charge of sales & marketing, I was working 10 - 12 hours per day and praying and meditating 2 - 3 hours per day, but focusing on the wrong areas; fear and guilt masked me from getting truth results. Five years later, I file for bankruptcy and lose my home, devastating to me and it fed into the not good enough narrative. Because of my focused, disciplined and being a talented contributor, I had a history of doing well in my work so it was really trying. In meditation one day the small still voice told me, you can't do what you've been doing and succeed anymore.
As a junior in college, I developed a simple process for success, when faced with an opportunity or issue do the following:
• Develop a detail plan
• Put forth an herculean effort
• Time never became an issue
• Persevere until I win The formula had been good to me for decades. God was telling me it was over, but I didn't listen or understand something new was seeking to emerge from within me and release the old. I fought and resisted. Results, all types of things happened to me in my work-life regardless of how much time and effort I put in. Eventually, I surrendered and while things were not going as I wanted, things were getting somewhat better relative to not being good enough; I released the fear, guilt, and low self-value. But the not good enough was still there. As result of taking Quest - LVM Class, I had the following breakthroughs: 1st week: I had totally forgiven myself 2nd week: Recognized the not good enough was a total lie (Satori Moment) 5th week: I was reviewing Days: 29 – Being Consciousness and 30 – Waking up and Soul’s Dark Night, when I got to the Growth Work of Day 30, I had another Satori Moment. Here's what took place: Spirit told me, I have always been with you. I provided all the success, things and $ to you when you didn’t think you were good enough. But you my son, never gave up, even in severe hurt and pain you kept working to be better and a contributor to help others. Your major issue was your resistant; you would lock into non-truth given your woundedness. You have been working diligently to live in truth the last several years. Now you have the Trust in my Allness to Surrender totally, in a deep and abiding Trust, Humility and Gratitude. Now you can provide unconditional Consent and you can now, Give-all-you-have-to-give, excluding nothing. I can see clearly now and feel during my first 20 years how God was present, provided to me, in spite of my behavior, thoughts and beliefs. I spent the next 20 years resisting the Truth. Now I can feel it, see it, know it and will not allow any illusions, confusion and deal-making to prohibit me from my unfolding and new version of me.
Thank you Michael Beckwith and Mindvalley for showing me a proven process for truth, because I am a witness, next mastery!