Before this program, I was living with my daughter who has a severe case of an eating disorder. Her disorder started around the age of eighteen, she is now, 45 years old. So we all suffered from it. The suffering that each of us experienced is beyond description. A constant feeling of loss, a void, she has not eaten one meal with us, nor celebrated any holiday since then. After the first few years, being forced to get help, before she turned 18, she also refused helped, and some how figured out how she can have the disorder and stay alive. We were the ones that got help. Kept our lives going, there was always a person we loved, that was not there with us. Had connections to top doctors in Boston that were glad to help, at any moment. Thirteen years ago, after my husband got a good job offer in Florida and left Boston, I chose to stay, thinking maybe being alone with her mother, will evoke in her other ways of looking at her life, wanting to change and seek help. I had my clients who where also like a family to me, and a good livelihood, so I convinced my self to stay and meanwhile see if things will change for my daughter. Things got worse, on daily basis, I got sucked into her world, thinking that if I accept her with her disorder, it will help her relax and draw attention to other things she could use her mind to create, and focus on. So our place turned into a storage house for food, she was able to get free food from markets, restaurants, went into dumpsters at the end of the day, and went through barrels of trash, to fill up a hole in her soul that all of the food in the world, could not fill. My love , she rejected, threw me a crumb of hope that came in the shape of a faint smile and resented me more and more, for my healthy, beautiful relationship with her sister. she wanted me to stay with her and away from my husband, her father, so I can keep the roof over her head so she can keep her disorder, and did not have to work. Slept all day, while I was working and was up all night, preparing food, eating throwing up, washing up and all over again. Day after day, night after night, I was in a room sleeping next to the bathroom and counted how many times I heard the toilet flashing. After a while I could sleep through the night. That was when my spirit began to leave me, my soul cried out to me, and I ignored it, thinking, maybe she will still change. I was still holding on to my work, it was a safe place to go to and give, get rewarded, loved, appreciated. Until my physical body started talking to me. It could no longer look the other way. Neither could I. I started having the conversation that I have to take a break from my work, my ankle needed surgery, and the only good option was Florida. Of course I told her she is welcome to join. She refused the offer, and tried really hard , to keep me there in Boston , described to me a very bleak existence, with no friends, no work ,starting all over, after I built a great life for myself in Boston . She knew she could never bring her disorder to Florida, and she was not ready to let it go. Fast forward to what was a continues night mare I made the impossible possible, and came to Florida. The surgery on my ankle was preformed a half a year ago, was very successful, and I will recover completely. Finally had to rest. Those were the doctor’s orders. My body has been a great part of my self image and I was going to do everything in my power to heal it with pride. As i began my new life, I knew that now it is my time to grow and explore my alternatives, my desires, what do I choose to do next. Being restricted the first 2 months of my recovery, I decided that a daily practice of meditation is what I need in my life. I don’t know how, my finger landed on Mindvalley and since that day, I am discovering the part of me that I forgot about, ignored when it was bagging me to look inside for a change. I kept insisting on suffering and pain until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired .
Now I know this was my Growing through Kensho,pain. I finally woke up. When I signed up for “becoming extra ordinary” with Vishen,I started receiving his teachings during the day, they all seemed easy to digest, made so much sense, and also was receiving during my sleeping hours, when I was in my delta level of consciousness ,different signs. The way that Vishen describes what is most important in life, and helps you imply it, led me into a place of ease and trust, deep inside of me I thought I lost , to never find again. I was now transformed from making the impossible possible, and moving towards ease. I was getting excited again about my capabilities to learn to feel, to tase life inside of me and all around me and trust my intuition. Listening to Vishen daily, his firm, yet full of compassion, encouraging voice, made me wanting it for myself. The way he owns his stories and peels the layers off, of his own life until he stands in front of you, as himself, real, with every fiber of his being. You want that for yourself. You deserve it too. That is how he comes across. But how do I get there? I can feel it , I can taste it, I know I want it, now what do I do? So the process he helps you through, encouraging the change and giving you the tools, sips through your mind, into your veins, drip by drip, passes through your heart, pours out of your skin and goes on all day. His meditations are active, and train you that you can accomplish taping into your dreams on the spot, right in front of you, on the big screen that is called your life. The invisible counselors, is another go to active meditation, that changed my life, into ease. I had tears rolling down my eyes, consulting with the people around the table, giving me advice and having my back. After the lesson”intuition as inspiration” I was tired and went back to sleep. In my dream, I was with people I could not recognize, except for two, one was my dear nephew, the other was my dear grandson. We where on a plane, they were all jumping off of the plane, my turn arrived. Jumping into the unknown. I was told there will be a chair there, and a person to catch me. I did it! I jumped! Was so proud of my self. No one said a word. I saw an X to my left, I felt the guiding hands. It felt great. I went into the unknown, and felt safe. The X is still on my mind.? I am beginning to come up with work ideas for my next calling. “The universe gives you who you are, not what you want. I am liking who I have become, and ready to give and receive, from an enormous space that is ever expanding in me, and sending me on a path that is making me excited, to wake up each morning to, take the small steps, toward the big goal. Making my growth the number one focus, feeling that everything is growing with me. No matter who you are, where you come from, what your goals are, you will progress in ways you could never imagine were possible or available for you till now. I am filled with gratitude when ever I see or hear Vishen Lakhiani , and thankful for this life changing experience. As for my daughter. I carry the loss, and realize it is the biggest lesson of my life. “When meaning is given to suffering the pain disappears, or ceases. “Vishen Lakhiani.” I thank her, send her love, in my meditations. We both chose. I chose life, the kind you thrive, not survive, the kind I was born into. I forgave her, got rid of my victim state of being, for good!!! I set my self free, and now she is free to choose on her own. Ultimately forgave myself. “To make the impossible possible, the possible easy, and the easy graceful” Moshe Feldenkrais. (1904-1984) Everything is movement, movement is life, life is a process, improve the quality of your movement and you will improve the quality of your life. This is my life. I am moving into it now with grace. ?⭐️???
Now I know this was my Growing through Kensho,pain. I finally woke up. When I signed up for “becoming extra ordinary” with Vishen,I started receiving his teachings during the day, they all seemed easy to digest, made so much sense, and also was receiving during my sleeping hours, when I was in my delta level of consciousness ,different signs. The way that Vishen describes what is most important in life, and helps you imply it, led me into a place of ease and trust, deep inside of me I thought I lost , to never find again. I was now transformed from making the impossible possible, and moving towards ease. I was getting excited again about my capabilities to learn to feel, to tase life inside of me and all around me and trust my intuition. Listening to Vishen daily, his firm, yet full of compassion, encouraging voice, made me wanting it for myself. The way he owns his stories and peels the layers off, of his own life until he stands in front of you, as himself, real, with every fiber of his being. You want that for yourself. You deserve it too. That is how he comes across. But how do I get there? I can feel it , I can taste it, I know I want it, now what do I do? So the process he helps you through, encouraging the change and giving you the tools, sips through your mind, into your veins, drip by drip, passes through your heart, pours out of your skin and goes on all day. His meditations are active, and train you that you can accomplish taping into your dreams on the spot, right in front of you, on the big screen that is called your life. The invisible counselors, is another go to active meditation, that changed my life, into ease. I had tears rolling down my eyes, consulting with the people around the table, giving me advice and having my back. After the lesson”intuition as inspiration” I was tired and went back to sleep. In my dream, I was with people I could not recognize, except for two, one was my dear nephew, the other was my dear grandson. We where on a plane, they were all jumping off of the plane, my turn arrived. Jumping into the unknown. I was told there will be a chair there, and a person to catch me. I did it! I jumped! Was so proud of my self. No one said a word. I saw an X to my left, I felt the guiding hands. It felt great. I went into the unknown, and felt safe. The X is still on my mind.? I am beginning to come up with work ideas for my next calling. “The universe gives you who you are, not what you want. I am liking who I have become, and ready to give and receive, from an enormous space that is ever expanding in me, and sending me on a path that is making me excited, to wake up each morning to, take the small steps, toward the big goal. Making my growth the number one focus, feeling that everything is growing with me. No matter who you are, where you come from, what your goals are, you will progress in ways you could never imagine were possible or available for you till now. I am filled with gratitude when ever I see or hear Vishen Lakhiani , and thankful for this life changing experience. As for my daughter. I carry the loss, and realize it is the biggest lesson of my life. “When meaning is given to suffering the pain disappears, or ceases. “Vishen Lakhiani.” I thank her, send her love, in my meditations. We both chose. I chose life, the kind you thrive, not survive, the kind I was born into. I forgave her, got rid of my victim state of being, for good!!! I set my self free, and now she is free to choose on her own. Ultimately forgave myself. “To make the impossible possible, the possible easy, and the easy graceful” Moshe Feldenkrais. (1904-1984) Everything is movement, movement is life, life is a process, improve the quality of your movement and you will improve the quality of your life. This is my life. I am moving into it now with grace. ?⭐️???