"I began this program because I feel so tired of not feeling happy"

I began this program because I feel so tired of Not feeling happy. My love relations doesn’t hold. I don’t feel loved or respected. I feel that I must work hard and often put myself aside to deserve love from my partner and my kids. I have seven kids and the adult ones I don’t have a living relationship with now. But it was good when they were younger. I have done my best as a mother but I have been tired and I have been taking the most homework and planning with the kids. I have feeling that I must do more both as a mum and partner. 

Now with bag relations my life feels unnecessary. My partner has been promising me half the house but now when we soon will separate he says that I am not going to get half. He has also promised me that we were going to get married but three kids and 16 years later we still isn’t married and I just have to leave the house. I often through life has felt that I am sad and not happy. I have broken up from two partners whom are father to two each of my kids before and I have just left there to. 

I want to laugh more and feel more happy. My life feels more like a struggle and I am tired into my soul and often long to not live anymore but I am not suicidal. But in the same way I am longing to now why I came to this world . What is my mission beside being a mum. I want to remember who I am and my purpose but in the same way I am afraid of my own light and to shine and I also longing for it. I am afraid because than I will be in center and if I work with healing with the light it feels like it will give me more responsibility and I don’t belive I can live up to my future clients expectations and I don’t feel that I am good enough/educated enough to work with peoples spiritual growth. In school I was terrified when I must hold a lecture in front of the class. I often didn’t go at all and that is still something that gives my super stress so I never do it