About 2 weeks after the program completed, a day before my birthday, I got a disappointing answer that led me to imagine how terrible my future (one aspect of my life only luckily) will be AGAIN. I was so sad that I couldn't help crying near my office while waiting for the bus after work to bring myself somewhere for reflection and be alone. Not happily prepare counting down my birthday and welcome my birthday leave next day. As midnight approaches, I even felt fear and uncertainty that my birthday is coming when all past years I would feel happy and excited for the countdown. I didn't even know what to do with myself only to avoid being inside the elevator back home exactly 00:00.
On the exact day of my birthday, in midst of a meal treat, I was commented I look miserable / gloomy ... and was asked what the hxll was happening. Then I was delivered a huge "present" by the universe that I didn't know how to digest or handle while it's some kind of a replay that got me in several weeks of depression back in 2024 Mar. Back then I couldn't eat, sleep, and didn't even care about my look when looks has always been non negotiable for me. I would even have panic episodes (freak out, go blank, want to escape, etc) when I see or hear anything that reminds me of that someone.
This time around, I realized that I was in depression again but luckily I was only at the edge back and forth or just in a bad bad state for 10 days not weeks. I was able to eat and sleep much better than last time. I was aware of triggers presented to me but no more panic episodes. The intensity was 3-4 compared to a 10.
Most importantly, I went back to the replays and reminded myself of the teachings and I didn't create future scenes that doesn't serve me, or try not to, but rather I visualize the future I want to manifest and feel the joy and happiness as if it's done and trust the universe. Applying the teachings always makes me feel there is magic yet to happen and life is hopeful.