For me, my heart and soul were telling me to walk away but my head was saying better to stay with what you have.
So, my mind, heart and soul were in conflict.
The conflicts were taking a toll on my body. We have been lifetime partners and hung on despite the trauma that occurred. We were good friends, once best friends, and the bond we created because of the ups and downs in life were hard to break from as we loved to do the same things and our kids were our number one.
We tried to make this work all our lives in every way that we knew, we both grew and changed but it still did not seem to be enough. I had a longing deep inside for the love of my life which was not him. I longed to be embraced and kissed by a man that made me feel safe, one who I can open my heart to unconditionally without fear that he would be careless with such a precious gift of wholesome love.
I longed to be my authentic self; bold, free, and uninhibited in my relationship rather than feeling that I always had to protect myself, feeling that he was no longer worthy of my love.
You see, there is a time when so much damage is done that the fire goes out.
What I was looking for in the program was to learn how to love in a healthy way and how to show up as my authentic self in a relationship with the love of my life.
All my relationships with friends and colleagues are healthy, strong, respectful, and truthful. I was trying to learn how to let go of what no longer serves me but most importantly why he can pull at my heartstrings even when my mind is made up, I knew that I would repeat this behavior if I did not get a handle on it.
The first day really helped me to understand the part that I played in all this. We dug into the beliefs and behaviors that set the pattern in which people learn how to treat you.
Day two was about soul searching which I had been doing on my own but it’s quite different with a guided meditation and coaching into areas that you typically wouldn’t think of and I got such a big message that it left me blown away and speechless which is typical for me.
Day 3 I felt those feelings and emotions that I have kept buried emerge and I was able to release them from the prison that I held them in.
The first day after the program I had clarity knowing that I must decide on letting this relationship go.
I started taking actions that very last day toward releasing this bondage that has been holding me back because I cannot have what I want until I let go of what I do not want.
I’ve learned that I AM ENOUGH, and I AM WORTHY of the love of my life where I feel safe and can give and receive unconditional love and feel totally comfortable in being my authentic self.
My next step is Conscious Uncoupling and getting back into life coaching as none of us have all the answers.