“Deborah’s techniques helped me heal & find my authentic self”

Before I began my journey into Energy Healing, I found myself soul searching for an Authentic Me. Somewhere along the way in my life I felt as if I lost myself. I felt disconnected from my Spirit, my Essence. I had been in a lengthy relationship in which I had allowed myself to be disempowered – what I found to be most interesting was that I had always thought I had attracted men who were emotionally ‘unavailable,’ until I had this notion that quite possibly, I was attracting them because I was the one who was truly unavailable….unavailable to myself and to them, which in turn, would be much safer for me. 

So I began this journey of searching for myself….who AM I? Truly. What is the Authentic Me? I became more focused on Metaphysical studies and feeling into the unknown…… my Heart. So I set the intention to connect to my Spirit to my Higher Self and All that is, the Divine. 

While in my quest for a more Authentic Self, I came across a Healer in Sedona who engaged in a conversation with me about my father. I began to recall memories that I honestly didn’t put much thought into until we started to talk about them. They were memories of my father being emotionally unavailable, physically (unavailable at times) leaving my mother alone to care for us 3 children, coming home and drinking, isolating himself from us and I’m sure what internally was tormenting him. From an early age I sensed my father was not being quite forthright with my mother about things. Eventually as time grew my father became a full-fledged alcoholic, became very jealous of any man or person around my mother. His temper enlarged each time he was triggered. As time passed I knew it was a matter of time before his temper would escalate.  

It was one evening when my aunt had called to speak with my mother and (as usual) my father would ask who she was speaking with. As I sat in the living room watching him approach her I saw the whole event play out in my mind before it happened as if I was watching a movie in slow motion. My father walked up to her demanding to know who she was speaking with and my soft spoken mother had picked the wrong time to speak up and say ’none of your business’. Within an instant he began to hit her over and over. Witnessing that moment put me into a moment of disbelief -- possibly shock. When I looked at my father, it was if it wasn’t him anymore. As if something extremely angry and tormented came over him and he wasn’t going to stop. Something within that moment from within me, it felt, shot up my throat and out my mouth, yelling, “Dad Stop!! If you Don’t Stop Right Now, I will call the Police!” As I yelled, it was if my father came back, he immediately stopped as my mother was in tears and I’m sure extremely traumatized along with all sorts of emotions. My father went into his room as my mother slept next to me crying all night. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I felt so disconnected from my feelings. I still can’t recall what I was even feeling. 

The very next day my mother comes home, my father is sitting in the living room and shortly thereafter a police officer arrives to speak with my father about what happened the night before. I could tell my father honestly felt remorse and I’m sure embarrassed. But what surprised me most was the police officer had wanted me to fill out a police report of what I witnessed in front of my father. I remember feeling angry for being put in that situation and for not being informed of what was going to happen – it was if by filling out that report was signifying I was taking sides when I was not nor was I by any means condoning the domestic violence. My father went into a dark depression, struggling with his inner demons and his actions while my mother began to speak of divorce and possibly moving out of the home. My mother had sacrificed a lot for my father and for us children. She moved from her home country, Thailand, to be with my father who was in the Air Force during the time of the Vietnam War and while barely speaking any English, had learned English through television and picked up and moved to foreign countries where everything else was additionally foreign to her because of my father. As a young child, my mother really never had much independence for herself until we finally moved back to the U.S. 

Because the hold my father had over my mother’s independence was being diminishing, I believe my father began to feel like he was going to lose my mother. My father just spiraled into a deeper depression; all of his inner demons began to grasp ahold of him. It was close to a weekend before my birthday and I was preparing to head out of town for a State Leadership conference, it was that very morning I saw my father sit in the living room couch, wanting to give me a birthday card. I opened up the card and read it and it said, “Even though I have never told you, I am very proud of you and I Love You’. Immediately I knew something was not right. My father had never told me (from what I can recall) that he loved me. So I stopped for a moment to ask if he was doing ok. He replied he wasn’t and that he was going to go away and most likely kill himself. He said he wasn’t happy and with everything happening between him and my mother there wasn’t much to live for. All I can remember afterwards was embracing my father, going to school and sitting in class attempting to process what just happened. 

Then a thought came to mind that he was crying out for help so I went to one of my business counselors and told her what happened. As I told her I began to cry and I remembered the look on her face of ‘what are you doing here?’ (surprised I was still at school going to classes) she then asked did you call anyone- so I immediately called my brother and by the time I arrived home he was with my father. From that point thereafter, I don’t recall a thing. I lived at home until my mid-twenties, fearful that one day my father would possibly kill my mother. My father still drank, still had a temper, was living in despair with nothing to lose and carried multiple guns and rifles within his gun chest. One day my mom strongly encouraged me to move out and that everything would be ok and she would be just fine.
My parents are still together, going on +30 years of marriage, they have their good moments and their challenging moments. They have been my 2 of my greatest teachers. I Love them both dearly and have the deepest compassion and respect for their journey together and individually. At times it’s easy to identify a villain within any given situation or story but what’s more horrific is the battle that goes on within the villain. (Not that I’m condoning the Actions/Behaviors), but if people were to be aware of… or even catch a glimpse of who they truly are, feeling into their truest presence, become liberated from the egoic mind chatter and the story we relive, we all could live a more Awakened life.

Energy Healing has enabled me to become more consciously aware of what I’m feeling and sensing within myself and what I may possibly be projecting onto others. By tuning inward into my energetic self, I can sense more peace within (the meditation helps!) Deborah’s courses helped me identify what defense mechanism I may be operating from to continue to work out of what I know I AM not. I noticed I’ve been unintentionally using her techniques to better manage myself and others- to not further trigger them into their defenses and to draw them out of it. I still need more grounding but Energetic grounding has enabled me to become more present in my body. I still have much to learn, release and experience with Energy Healing, but I believe it can help people remove away what is ready to be release (internal pain, suffering, guilt) so they can experience more of who they really are.